Redneck Fair Ride

A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost. "$10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot.
"That's too much," said the farmer.
The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10."
The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man."
"Maybe so," said the farmer, "But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."

Redneck Computer

10 Ways To Tell If A Redneck Has Been Working On A Computer:
The monitor is up on blocks
Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them
The six front keys have rotted out
The extra RAM slots have Dodge Truck parts stored in them
The numeric keypad only goes up to six
The password is BUBBA
There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU
There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive
The keyboard is camouflaged
And, the best way to tell if a REDNECK has been working on a computer is...... The Mouse is referred to as a 'Critter'

3 Big Rednecks

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a 'redneck' joke?" The guy beside him stiffens.
"Before you start, buddy, I think you oughta know something: I'm 6' 2" tall, weigh 200 pounds and I was born and raised a redneck. This ol' boy sittin' next to me is 6' 4", 225 and a redneck through and through. And that redneck sittin’ next to him is better'n 6' 6", 275. Now, sonny—do you still want to tell your little joke?"
To which the first guy replies, "Nah. I'm glad you told me. I'd hate to have to explain it three times!"